A Summary of Sorts (this was my October post)

Sorry…this one’s gonna be mushy, but I just have to express my gratitude, and what better time than now?!  You see, today is our one month anniversary, and every day I thank God that He brought Terry into my life.  He is the man of my dreams, the most wonderful husband a girl could ever ask for.  I just feel so lucky that he’s mine for forever! = )  And I know that time is supposed to fly when you’re having fun, but it feels like we’ve been married for much longer than a month!  Wait, is that time flying?  I’m getting all turned around now…but basically, although it’s been so fun, it’s also been a lot of work (it hasn’t been work being married to Terry, but the work has come from having our own household – for me, in a place where things are done so differently than I’m used to – and having very demanding jobs).  This work, though challenging, has really bonded us.  I guess that’s another reason why it feels like we’ve been married for much longer than a month; we’ve been able to grow so close as we’ve faced challenges together.  And lastly, it certainly doesn’t feel like only a month and a week ago that I was living in Hawaii!  Time is such a strange thing.

Okay, so back to why I’m so grateful for Terry, and then I’ll talk about some of the things that I’ve found to be most challenging.  Gosh…I’ve typed and deleted so many times now.  I’m finding it very difficult to put into words.  I just wish you all could know him and see the way he treats me so that you could understand. 

He is just always thinking about me, what I need and how he can meet those needs.  He treats me like a princess, waking me up with breakfast in bed numerous times now, and even with dinner in bed one evening that I was so exhausted, I crashed as soon as we got home (of course I fell asleep on top of the comforter since I would never go on the sheets while dirty, one of my many neurotic rules that he so graciously follows).  And that’s just “meals in bed.”  He’s surprised me with hot chocolate in a thermos a couple of mornings when I’ve been too busy to boil water, after taking a nap through lunch yesterday (okay…I know it’s sounding like I’m always sleeping, but I’m pretty sure those are the only two naps I’ve taken this month – and yesterday I was sick), I awoke to find some delicious fried plantain, and since he knows I still feel so unprepared, we’ve done all the cooking together, so far.  Okay…so perhaps that’s enough about food…haha…his first-class treatment does actually go beyond feeding me = )  

He’s really tried to make my workload as light as possible, and continues to find ways to do so (for example, this past weekend he got someone to wash our clothes for us so that we could have time to do a thorough cleaning of our home, since every other Saturday, the washing of our clothes has taken a good chunk of the day – and he knew I was dying to clean the house).  I often wake up to him fetching water for us, which is a full-time job since I still don’t know how to conserve water very well.  I’m learning, but I use way more water than him when I’m bathing, washing dishes, flushing the toilet – everything really.  But he hasn’t complained once!  Rather, he tries to give me more than I actually need so that I don’t feel bad about the amount I use.  

He’s also so sensitive to my emotional needs.  He knows how hard it’s been for me to be away from family, and tries to make it easier for me by talking to me about them a lot.  We had a very interesting experience with the police (it’s a long story – I’ll write about it soon = ) the other day, and when we got home, he asked if I was okay.  I hadn’t even realized I was lost in thought, but I told him that I was actually thinking how much I wanted to tell the story to my mom.  He was so empathetic; when I’m in pain, I swear he feels more pain than I do.  He surprised me with an hour of internet credit (I still don’t know when he managed to buy it without me knowing!), and even though we haven’t had a chance to get to the internet café yet, I was still so touched!

Another reason why I’m so grateful that he’s my husband (that’s still so weird to say…haha = ) is that we have so much fun together.  Whether it’s going for a run at night (he knows how important exercise is to my sanity, so he’s been so good about carving time out for it in our hectic schedules = ), driving in the car, washing clothes, cooking, playing football, going to the market – it’s so fun to do with him!  The things that I enjoyed before are so much better with him as my partner, and the things that were drudgery before are now enjoyable (or at least more enjoyable ;  )  We never have the time to do “fun things” together (on our holiday he wanted to take me to the pool because I’ve been complaining about getting so white, but the day before we found out that we had a work training from 11-2 = (…however, when we got to school, we were told that our training was cancelled, and we didn’t have time at that point to drive home, get our swimming stuff, and get back to the pool with enough time to make the entrance fee worth it), but we get lots of time together driving (which is never relaxing in Ghana!) and doing work, so we make the most of the time we have = )

I feel SO grateful to have a partner who desires as much as I do to live righteously and to follow God’s commandments!  It’s such a relief to me to not have to carry the weight of spiritual matters.  He is often the one reminding me that we need to say our prayers and read our scriptures.  He is SO faithful and relies on God 100%.  He is always finding ways to serve others.  When he was having a hard day the other day, I went in to his classroom at break time to find him reading his scriptures.  He said that his spirit had felt weak, and he knew he needed the scriptures to uplift him.  He knows so much about the Bible, and I know more about the Book of Mormon and modern-day revelations, so we’ve been teaching and learning from each other = )

I feel so grateful that he’s been so patient, loving, and understanding with my freak outs and break downs…which leads me to some of the most challenging aspects of life here.

I love my ring!

My handsome, righteous hubby!

He's cutting through chicken BONE with that little knife and no cutting board!

We actually cut all of this up with that little knife and no cutting board...isn't it beautiful?!

Or we grind it (no blender)...these are hot peppers (they say "pepe") and garlic

It's REALLY difficult...so he usually lets me take the last few minutes or the first few...haha

You may be wondering, “Why is she having such a hard time if she’s already lived there?”  Well…I’m not sure exactly, but I have a few ideas.  For one, I wasn’t exactly living in reality the first time.  Mandy and Chuks’s place was very grand, with running water, a washing machine (even though I didn’t use it towards the end) and air-conditioning, not to mention the fact that I always had meals cooked for me and just had my small area to keep clean.  My own area.  Which is the second reason why it wasn’t so difficult.  Even when I was out in the dust, dirt, and heat, I could always count on coming home to my clean, cool, controlled environment.  Now, I don’t have complete control of a space, and my OCD tendencies are really kicking in at times.  Also, before, work was so exciting because I got to see Terry there, and sometimes only there.  But now that I can be with him all the time, and since we’re always a little worried whenever we’re together at school, I no longer wake up with that, “I can’t wait to get to work” feeling; rather, I wake up wishing we could just stay in bed, or at least have the day to get the endless to-do list done.  

That being said, the first major challenge that I’ve been struggling with is time.  I don’t even know how to describe it, or where to begin.  Time is so different here.  Deadlines and due dates are not taken seriously (and I’ve begun to understand why – for example, we were supposed to have HW assessments for the students uploaded by a certain date, which was a major pain in the butt because the program is Paleolithic and the internet is so unreliable, but the students didn’t have access to it until 2 weeks later, so there was no point in us killing ourselves to get it done by that date), which is frustrating as the head of a department because my teachers don’t turn things in on time.  But again, I understand, because the seemingly simplest tasks can take forever to accomplish.  For example, to do the laundry is an all day affair – and not in a “check the laundry to do the next step every hour or so” kind of all day…it’s hard, back-breaking, arm-straining, tiring, no-break work.  And when Terry and I cleaned our home the other day, I spent a couple hours on my hands and knees with a small brush cleaning the carpet, sweeping the dust and dirt up.  With a vacuum, this would’ve, literally, been a five minute job.  Driving anywhere in Accra takes hours because the traffic is SO severe.  Cooking is always from scratch, so there are no “I’m feeling lazy, I’ll just put in a frozen lasagna” nights.  There are no Wal-Marts or Costcos, or even Safeways, so when you go shopping for things, you often have to go from store to store until you find the things you need.  And there aren’t store hours, so it’s often hit-or-miss as to whether you’ll travel a long distance just to find the place closed.  

When Terry and I were shopping for a refrigerator a few weeks back, his dad graciously offered to get it for us because they would see me and announced an exorbitant price.  I was anxious to get it so that we could start cooking in bulk and saving the leftovers (he’s actually a genius at keeping food from spoiling without refrigeration, but some things are beyond his power).  

As I was going over the plans, I said, “Okay, so your dad will be picking up our refrigerator on Friday, right?” 

He replied, “Yeah, Friday or Saturday.” 

“Wait, why Friday or Saturday?  He said he’s going Friday, so why would we not get it on Friday?”

“Hmmm…in Ghana, okay, it’s not always that simple.  My dad’s going on Friday, but he might not be able to get it then.  The man who quoted him the price last time might not be there, and the guys working might try to charge him more.  Or they may have sold the one he wanted for us, and if he doesn’t find another one that’s good in our price range, he’ll have to go back or look somewhere else.”

“Why couldn’t he just call and find out before he goes?”

“He’ll try, but the guy might not pick (answer) his phone.” (side note...land lines are very rare here, so you can’t call a business or an office – all of the numbers are cell phone numbers, so if the persons phone is not charged, or they’re not by it, or don’t hear it, etc., you’re out of luck)

“Okay, I’m beginning to understand.”

And I am.  I’m beginning to understand.  I’m only just beginning, but it’s coming (which reminds me, when they’re leaving, they say, “I’m coming,” as in, “I’ll be right back.”  I think I mentioned this in my blog last time I was here, but I still get so confused by it…haha = )   

The second biggest challenge is that everything is new.  I feel perpetually exhausted because nothing I do is routine or from memory.  Let’s take getting ready in the morning.  Washing my face, brushing my teeth, and flushing the toilet (I’m so grateful, though, that we have a western style toilet and our own bathroom! = )  are very different activities when you’re not using running water.  That being said, so are bathing (which is more like showering, but they call it bath-ing), washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.  Then we go to work, where I am teaching = ) and supervising a department = (.  But teaching in the classroom here, which is a place that I usually feel so at home, is SO different than teaching at home.  Children are used to such a different style of learning, I don’t have a curriculum or textbooks (which isn’t Ghana, it’s just this new program that I’m in charge of implementing.  The Ghanaian Education System has a very specific syllabus and a very specific textbook that follows the syllabus exactly.  But this new system that we’re bringing in is a British system that only has Math, English, and Science syllabi at this age level – grades 4-8.  At first I was so excited because it’s supposed to be a real hands-on, inquiry-based approach, but I’m quickly learning that the parents and management still want to see the Ghanaian style of learning and assessing, and it’s hard to balance polar opposites.), I have virtually no materials and spotty internet, there’s no APC committee (a DOE committee put in place so that teachers can voice their concerns to management) or teacher’s contract to protect our rights, and getting yelled at is a part of life.  That being said, I’m definitely growing comfortable as a teacher at a much quicker rate than as a supervisor.  I always thought it would be crappy to be an administrator, and I was right…haha = )  I don’t like being the bad guy or telling people what to do, not to mention, it’s so much harder to keep control and organization over a department than just a classroom.  Maybe it’s the wearing of two different hats that’s throwing me for a loop.  I don’t know exactly, but whatever the reason, work is definitely a major challenge and unfamiliarity right now.  And I guess the last thing I can think of right now that falls in this category is the fact that I always feel like I’m doing or saying something wrong, culturally-speaking, and everyone expects me to speak Twi already, which can get very annoying when they make me feel like I’m guilty of a crime for not speaking their language after a few months.  But I am learning, kakra kakra (small, small = )